So I have two options here; I can talk about an old man who lives alone or BRUNO, the manliest fucking man on the planet.

I want to end on a high note so I'll stop with BRUNO, but for now I'll talk about one of the most ironically named characters in the game.  Dies.

That's his name; Dies.

That is also an action.  In fact, for much of the introductory chapters of the game, you expect to hear the somber news that Dies has unfortunately passed on, and gone to the great creepy tower in the sky.

Anyway, after battling your way through the deadly thug, and facing his thunderous nuckle dragon cunts, and walking for a roughly thirty real time minutes, you come up to the great tower of Dies.

Lance is a dick

So anyway you go and visit an old man who lives alone.  Did I mention that the main character is supposedly 12-14?

But there is bad news.  Dies is most likely a pedophile.

Probably not wearing pants.

Also, there's a couple beautiful moments just like this.

Proofread by Chris Hanson

Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow

As far as we got, Dies lives.  And stays safely in his tower.  We're hoping we meet a character named Kills, and find a grave stone that says "Murdered."